Wishing for proper ends.

A rational being would understand that every beginning has an end. Nothing lasts forever. Well, I guess one of my weaknesses is: I have no idea how to say 'goodbye'. A proper goodbye, without leaving behind all those poisonous elements.

When the time comes to part, I'd always...feel awkward. At the most, I'd briefly exchange last words, turned the other way and disappear. An abrupt & swift ending, every time.

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(From a past chapter)
Despite the shock of that moment, I shouldn't have ended that chapter on a bitter note. I wished that, even though destiny takes us on different paths...we'll be able to encounter each other again. With our chosen ones, we'd compare notes on life, love and everything in between. It wasn't to be. Feeling helpless among the crowd, I prayed silently.

(On an earlier chapter)
While the last sight of them was the true picture of long-lasting love & happiness...I still lament the fact that I didn't get to see them for the final time. To see them...and to say...I don't even know what I would actually say, in fact. Forget about words, I just wanted to glimpse upon them...just once more.

Instead, all I see are the newly erected tombs. God bless their souls.

(Then, a rather recent chapter)
Once again, a fresh grave greets my presence. However, this didn't affect me as deeply as the others - for it was a sweet release after suffering for so long. Still - as the rain finally stopped - I prayed.

(And yet another chapter, in the past year)
A 30-year old fortress crumbles before my very eyes. And the prodigious shadow that loomed over me since the very beginning, fell prey to the demons. Again. And amidst all this, I stood wearily & reluctantly. The role I had to play in this chapter, I despise it so. Then again, who else would?

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I realized that often times, events occur without warning...precious things whisked away from our grasp in a blink of an eye. As for me, I will have to embark on a lone journey once again in the near future. I hope when I have the opportunity to delay fate just a little, I would be able to say:

"Thank you for everything. You've been great to me this many, many years. Take good care of yourself, and maybe we'll encounter each other again...growing wiser and achieving the things we wanted in life. For now, GOODBYE."

Doing otherwise would leave an everlasting taste of regret. Maybe feeling just like that day, a couple of years back.

No, not maybe. I did. I still do.