Deserved

I got what I deserved.

I keep telling people that I'm fine. I kept myself out of anybody's business. Solitary, for me, is a curse (albeit a self-imposed one). In my case, it's not 'sometimes'...hell, I'm not gonna crumble if that's the case.

So, it is perplexing for me when my guard is down...because people won't believe it. My 'strength in solitary' stance prove to be my undoing. When that happens, 'sometimes it ain't too bad' aren't much of a tonic...though I appreciate the gesture. It's just me...my own fault and no one else's. To put blame on anyone is...my heart would just damn me for a fool that I truly am.

I live it every single moment of my life. It is the opposite of 'sometimes'...just want to make that clear, that's all. The message was my means of reaching out...call it a 'cry for help', if you will. It is truly maddening, tiring...ultimately it's just a fruitless quest. Perhaps, I simply have to seek it elsewhere.

I saw her today...didn't expect it at all. She just turned, look the other way and walk past me. I got angry...and it's all directed to me.

Can't blame her...after all, that is all I deserved.